It would make sense if I started by talking about the events that lead me to where I am in life today.
My mom was the most amazing person I had ever known, she was strong and had the biggest heart possible. She lived for us kids and would do anything for us. She was the mom that loved and loved and loved and it never stopped. I was able to talk to her about anything and everything since as far back as I can remember and know that she would not judge me and always understood where I was coming from. She was also my mediator, I can be known for my temper sometimes and I would always call her up and tell her my story and she always had a way of calming me down and getting me to see the other side or the big picture. She just was always there for me. We would do so much together, walk Lake Nokomis, go to Savers, Garage Saleing, drive me to college when my car was broken down, help me move every year of college, into my sisters apartment and then into my house (Which is another story I should tell about some other day). Since she had cancer, she was home during the day a lot which allowed me to be able to call her on break and tell her about my day, see how she is feeling and anything big happening that week. I just cant express how close we were. It brings tears to my eyes writing this because it brings up all the memories that we created together, and the fact that I don't get the chance to create more.
My mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer stage 3c in January of 2005. She had surgery that February to remove as much of the tumors that were inside of her. Her doctor was nervous since there was so many but the surgery ended up a success. .......Just to back track a moment, Ovarian cancer is considered a silent killer because the signs can go un-noticed. From my memory, my mom started noticing abnormalities with her body in October if i'm correct and went to the doctor and told her it is probably just constipation or a cyst on the ovary and sent her home, weeks later she still noticed unusual feelings and went back where they told her it could be just the start of menopause. Essentially they kept brushing it off. Finally someone came through in December and looked at her and noticed somethign wasnt right. When she was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer they said it was probably growing for about 6 months....
You call yourself doctors? I have words for you, this innocent women who was only trying to get help and you brush her off over and over again only to let cancer grow inside of her for that much longer making her think that everything is fine and dandy. Almost to where the cancer could have been untreatable had she not been persistant. That is my mom, don't you realize that? How would you feel if that was your mom? Let me guess, you still have your mom...I almost hope that they never forgive themselves for the pain and hurt that it caused 5-6 years later.... and this is my anger stage of this grieving process.
As my posts start to come, you will clearly see all the stages of grieving. One day, week, hour, minute whatever I may feel empowered by this experience and I feel her presence with me and I feel strong, and then others I am cold and bitter or crying all day long. I have absolutely no clue as to how I am going to feel the next day, it's a roller coaster but you cant see the ups or downs.
